Tantrums, Temperament, and Idiosyncrasies

There is a difference between Tantrums and Temperament. Temperament is a behavior style that refers to the natural way a person reacts or behaves in response to their environment. Researchers have identified 9 traits that are present at birth and are felt to influence development in important ways throughout life. While environment can modify these traits, the basic traits of a person are felt to be inborn and DO NOT result from the way a child is parented. 

So give yourself a little break if you have a challenging temperament child and or teen.

If your child is mostly regular, adaptable and has a moderate activity level you have an easy temperament child; about 40% of children fall into this category. 

If your child is slow to adapt, initially withdraws and has a moderate activity and intensity, your child will have a slow to warm up temperament; about 15% of children fall into this category.

If your child has a high activity level, is unpredictable, poor adaptability, and is intense and negative, you have a challenging temperament child; about 10% fall into this category. Remember, about 35% of children are a combination of these patterns.

Speaking of Temperament

No more pictures
No more pictures!

Perhaps the most talked about subject in regards to toddlers is tantrums. There isn’t a simple solution to this phenomenon. Some parents walk away, some parents ignore them and others try to reason with them. What I can tell you, is that whatever method you choose to employ, stick with it, if you choose to walk away and you come back, your child has won. You’ve told your child, “you can do this and you WILL get my attention.” I personally prefer not to walk away, I find it a bit impractical, especially when you’re in Publix, you can’t just leave your child at the deli section and retreat to your car. It’s frowned upon here and in other areas of the world.

Speaking of Tantrums…

Tantrums are scary, at least for me they are, but when disciplining a child, don’t forget You are the parent! Don’t be afraid to say no! They think they know what they need or want but they don’t, you do! Kids ask for things that you might have said no to in the past not because they want to toy with you but because they don’t have the capacity to understand no when you say it. They hear you but they don’t have the intellectual capacity to understand the why and this is why they don’t listen. If they listen it’s out of fear not understanding. We want to help them be independent thinkers so that wether or not we are present they will make the right decision, and this won’t happen if they are acting out of fear.

Looking in the Mirror

For us to help them become independent individuals we need to build a strong foundation. For this we need to go back to the beginning, our beginning, we need to teach them our family makeup, help them to understand their roots and to embrace those that have different roots, so that we can help them arrive at their purpose and so that we can help do away with hatred and violence. If you’re constantly criticizing your coworker or your neighbor don’t expect your child to be any different.

The second thing is make sure your parent-child relationship is solid because no matter their age they will not give in to peer pressure   when faced with that situation because they will not forget your words.

I don’t think I have to tell you that spending time is vital to fomenting a parent-child relationship, but I will, like most children who are at school for a majority of the day, coming home means finally having quality time, although they won’t admit to it as they get older, it’s so important that we’re not engaging in long conversations on the phone during family time. If a call is more than 15 minutes, that phone can and should take place after the kids are in bed or in the morning. You can read a little more about bonding with your child here.

Finally, compliment your child constantly when he is doing the right thing. Think back to your days in school, the child in a classroom, the one doing all the wrong things getting all the attention. Let’s flip this as a society. Let’s give attention to the good and not the one that throws the tantrums, let’s raise strong independent children, let’s do it together…

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